So I had a craptastic few months. With solar flairs, a lunar eclipse, meteor showers, a solar eclipse, and Mercury in retrograde, small problems turned into catastrophes (as my readers discovered in my last post). It wasn’t much of a surprise I didn’t feel like writing.
With everything bad happening in my life, it wasn’t the time to think of life changing decisions. Sometimes, a person can’t help themselves. We’re living life all the time that thinking about the next step is unavoidable.
I’m a successful person. My mind understands that, yet sometimes my heart doesn’t follow. Where do doubts live? The heart or the mind? I think the mind is the seat of logic and the heart is the seat of emotions as do most Asian philosophers.
Thinking that I wasn’t good enough for a certain PhD program, I was going to let my dream go and be practical. Trouble is I’m not a practical person. Whenever I try and pick the practical path, it never feels right. Unpractical things seem to be exceedingly easy for me. While that seems logical now, it didn’t seem logical a week ago.
What happens when I’m feeling these pangs of self-doubt? An old classmate from graduate school steps in. She has amazing timing since we haven’t spoken for a year or two. When we graduated from the Masters program, she continued onto a PhD program (one she’s a year away from completing) and I went on a break…one that lasted three years longer than intended.
Just speaking with her reminded me that this was my path and one I wanted to walk. PhD program? Definitely. Practicality? Keep it since it’s not for me.
If I can get these allergy migraines to stop, I can edit my writing sample and write my “why I want to be in the PhD program” essay. Pain is not conducive to inspirational writing. That’s why most great writers turn into alcoholics and drug users.